“You Ain’t A Liberal…Just A Wannabe That Looks Like One!"

For those of you keeping score at home, the title of this post is indeed a Space Jam reference. Hopefully the title will make more sense as you read on. This post is about Hillary Clinton--someone who certainly looks like a familiar liberal face, but whose actual liberal powers have been stolen by the Monstars (the Monstars, in this case, being the change in her party's trajectory over the past 20 years).

This post is also about Bernie Sanders--someone who better embodies the Democratic Party's current ideology, but seemingly gets no credit for it. Now cue the tactless blogger who saw something on TV/read something on the internet that made them mad.

Consider the following aside from Ted Koppel, during a segment he did on Chicago Tonight with Phil Ponce. 

“I have enjoyed watching the good senator from Vermont have a more spirited campaign than many expected, but I do not believe he will be the candidate.”

Naturally, Koppel says that coming only from a place of profound experience and wisdom about the political cycle. Not only the political cycle, but all the other intangibles about this country’s institutions and the way things work.

The same can be said of New Years Eve’s article by David Rothkopf, “The Year The United States Elects Its First Woman President,” though I found the piece to be little more than a tasteful reposition of obvious questions.  In it, Rothkopf makes the following statement:

"The arithmetic is pretty straightforward. She will be the Democratic nominee. The Republican Party is in disarray and still has to rid itself of the existential threat that the candidacy of Donald Trump poses before settling on another candidate who, judging from the current field, will likely be weak and flawed." 

Sure, such an existential crisis is glaringly obvious on the Republican side. But what about the Democrats? What about Bernie Sanders, the real Democrat?

I feel like the whole world is writing Bernie Sanders off already. When it comes down to it, all Bernie really wants to do is put us on par with every other 1^st-world country out there. Please don’t be fooled by the cumbersome way he has thus far described “socialism” or “social democracy.” I’ll help you out. Next time you hear these terms used by the media (or Bernie himself) to describe his platform, think Canada, think Sweden, think the UK. When it comes to western governance, the US is the odd man out, and Bernie merely seeks to help us get with the times!

He’s in favor of things like expanded education, single-payer healthcare, not voting during the work week, and gun control.

While we’re on the subject of gun control, I haven’t been happy with how Bernie has handled this in debates, but next time you hear Hillary Clinton try to come at him about gun control, remember he’s from Vermont—a largely rural state where gun violence is not the insidious crisis that it is in so many other places. And he shouldn’t be downed for being a faithful senator and voting his state!

But lately, I have been reading a lot of articles that seem to subtly throw in the towel on Bernie’s behalf. Perhaps for good and wise reasoning (first and last concession), many are writing articles that come from an angle or assumption that Hillary will handily secure the nomination. Just recently, I read “6 moments that could haunt Hillary Clinton.” It spells out the things that could hamper her in the general election! Like she’s already won! I could not possibly be S-ing my H any harder.

I have a friend. He’s a liberal, but that comes second. His first billing would be anti-conservative. Speaking with him, I always take the stance of saying that I don’t feel that Hillary Clinton really embodies the modern or contemporary values of one who is left-of-center. And he always responds with “yeah, but she’s our best chance for the Democrats to win!” And he’ll go on to say something like “Her husband is Bill Clinton for crying out loud! Bill. Clinton.” And it’s at this point that I take on the contrarian view, and lay out some examples of Bill Clinton’s philosophy not jiving with that of today’s garden-variety liberal (and I may or may not do so in a voice intended as a bad Lionel Hutz impression):

Oh, Bill Clinton, eh?

The same Bill Clinton responsible for NAFTA?

(Sidenote/Long-Winded Aside: there’s writing out there that confirms my suspicion that Hillary has not been gung-ho about TPP. Short-game reason: So her support of it won’t alienate the base/be a feather in Bernie’s cap. Long-game reason: So TPP can be on her presidential resume, and not Obama’s. http://www.cato.org/publications/commentary/miscalculation-mrs-clinton-why-trans-pacific-partnership-may-be-trans

Yes. I am familiar with the Cato Institute and what some writing of theirs sets out to accomplish. But on this blog, real-recognize-real. Simple as that. Anyway, you were saying, Mr. Hutz?)

The same Bill Clinton who signed DOMA?

The same Bill Clinton who instituted Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

Now I’m no big-city lawyer (crowd gasps), but that doesn’t sound like a Democrat to me…at least not a 21^st Century Democrat! Don’t get me wrong. I love Bill as much as anyone else out there who can fog a mirror.

My point here is this: Perhaps 1993’s centrist democrat is a little closer ideologically to today’s establishment republican.  Yesterday’s Bill Clinton might be closer to today’s Mitch McConnell…or today’s John McCain…or today’s Hillary Clinton! With that type of ideological company, I don’t think that it’s fair to either party for Hillary Clinton to basically be grandfathered into the Democratic nomination.

Also let’s talk voting record. She’s to the right of most of her democratic peers on a swath of issues…including women’s rights, student-debt reform, and wall-street reform. Let’s not forget that she’s to the right of Obama, and that’s a big part of why he got the nomination over her in ’08.

In the spirit of our young friend above, you mean to tell me that she served as a senator from New York in the early to mid 2000s, has a base of operations in Manhattan, and if elected she somehow won’t be beholden to Wall Street? I cannot fathom that.

And if you didn’t know that this post was about Hillary Clinton, you’d have presumed this to be the description of some rank-and-file GOP congressman.

Basically my main bone to pick is that I feel Bernie is the only Democrat really in the race…and I think that should be his platform! When do the gloves come off for the Bernie camp? I was hoping to see a bit of a new offensive in the New Year, but things remain frustratingly quiet.

Sorry guys, when I look at Secretary Clinton, I see a candidate who enjoys an entirely de facto political platform.  I see someone with a rather hawkish senatorial record. I see a former corporate lawyer who takes to a boardroom like a fish to water. I see someone who was Secretary of State for an administration whose foreign policy only got good after she left! See: Cuba and Iran. Both are post-Clinton.

Hey remember that time she bit poor Terry Gross’s head off on Fresh Air when asked about her position on marriage equality? She wants you to forget. The establishment and DNC puppeteers want you to forget. But we have not, have we?

We’ll stop here because this post has become (more) tangential. There’ll surely be future opportunities to go in on Hillary Clinton’s false-flaggery. Let’s just suffice it to say that this Hillary thing doesn’t have to be inevitable if we don’t want it to be.

I invite you now to check out the unfiltered version of Hillary’s voting record. I really wasn’t kidding about it:

 http://www.ontheissues.org/Hillary_Clinton.htm

Until Next Time

(MORE) OPINION (THAN USUSAL): That Clinton Family Makes You Feel Some Type of Way

Today there was a breaking on Politico that Chelsea Clinton announced her pregnancy with her first child. Now although the prospect of childrearing is something that we here at Trap Satellite fear more than our own deaths (and not just regular death, either. One of those slow, gruesome, and unlikely deaths suited only for a mob drama or a round of Would-you-Rather), it suffices to say that starting a family is a personal decision that can/does serve as a good for many people. I am sure that the Clintons, being looked at in the context of any other family, have reached a very happy milestone—inspiring joy and well wishes from anyone with half a heart.

Now that the obligatory, often unavoidable “I’m-not-a-(whatever’s appropriate at the time)ist,-but…” moment is out of the way, it should also cause anyone else who is an avid House of Cards fan to raise an eyebrow.  Watching that show makes it too hard not to think that Chelsea’s timing is a little too good. After reading a New Yorker article yesterday about a forthcoming autobiography by Senator and Occupy-Darling Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts), who swears she has no intentions of running, you can already see the pre-caucus cold war unfolding. Hillary seems to live up to the gun-to-a-fistfight vibe she gives off in the face of this presidential election on the horizon. “Oh, you’re coming out with a book? That’s nice (click-clack). I’m coming out with a grandkid!”  The juggernaut rolls on (which, upon a little extra research, turned out to be the perfect word to have used). I wonder what real people (if any) inspire Claire Underwood’s character?

Ah but we can still steer the subject matter of this announcement gently toward the (proverbial) trap. That Politico article made mention that the announcement was made during a No Ceilings event (I know, we’ll get to that. Don’t mean to jump the gun). No Ceilings is an initiative headed by the former Secretary of State, with a goal, according to the Clinton Foundation’s website, to “accelerate progress for women and girls around the world.” It’s a noble and necessary program, and worth checking out if you get a second...but why that name?

Now, I’m not an idiot. I know the program’s name must be meant to express its hopes of breaking the “glass ceiling,”—the intangible phenomenon in professional life that causes many women to find themselves in at a lower wage level relative to their male counterparts, regardless of their qualifications. But was there not at least one name for the program that isn’t the same as that of Lil Wayne’s classic, monumental,  2009 mixtape—a final blown kiss of  lyrical savagery before he started his prison stint?

The rub here is that the Democratic Party gets the credit for being more in touch with women, minorities, and Millenials—the latter’s notable swaths of whom are Lil Wayne fans…or at least were at the time. This (sadly) is not a post about rap politics, just a bit of the conventional, less-cool kind. It is a tad disconcerting that on the team of the Party’s leading woman, there was not one confidante, staffer, or intern who had strong enough base knowledge of pop culture to ask “are you sure about that title?” Perhaps it is possible that just because the left is less out-of-touch than the right, it might not mean they are necessarily in-touch.

Do I expect Hillary Clinton to pretend to love Lil Wayne, as many young folks do? Absolutely not. But why not make a mention of it on the initial interview tour after the project’s launch, and have a cheap laugh over it? It could have even served as a nice segue into a discussion about mass incarceration run amok. The fact that Lil Wayne went down for smoking some pot, and being in the general vicinity of  someone else’s gun (with the registration as proof of that fact). Taking a pit stop to explain further, let’s play the “If-Lil-Wayne-Were-Not-Lil-Wayne” game:

Had Lil Wayne not been Lil Wayne…

-He wouldn’t have been able to delay the sentence, which, quite possibly, also could have been longer.

-He might have had to serve a larger portion of his sentence.

-He would have lost his voting rights. He would have been precluded from most government aid or education grants.

-He would have been almost guaranteed to never land a job with a sustainable wage.

-His life would effectively be ruined, relegating him to the lowest and most vulnerable rung of society, all but guaranteeing that he recidivates.

And so ends the ill-fated exercise of wishing one’s politicians shared one’s love of rap. However, taking up the crux of the aforementioned issues if/when she’s elected president really would be a nice way for Hillary to redeem a few of her already scant trill-points.

This got very soap-boxy, very quickly. But don’t be alarmed. These are mere observations.

#imsayindoe

Winter is Coming. Nothing (will be) the Same.

I don't think you're fully appreciating what is about to happen here. If you do, then you are free to go home. If not, prepare to be filled in. Drake is about to retake the winter with his upcoming album, Nothing Was the Same--scheduled for release this Tuesday. And personally, I cannot wait.

Just as Jay-Z has held down the summer (a typical time for unbridled fun, living only for the moment, and a reacquaintance with irresponsibility), Drake is establishing himself as rap's Jack Frost, giving us music for that cold, harsh season of imposed solitude. 

Perhaps it is for these reasons that you still may not fucks with Drake. You'd prefer to listen to the consistently upbeat (by comparison) musical stylings of a Jay-Z, or a 2 Chainz, or a Lil Wayne (all of whom Drizzy has collaborated with...decent evidence of his versatility and talent I'd say--at the risk of excessive cosigning)--individuals who, respectively:

 -rap about having so much dominion over the genre to really have any worries

-are not shy about their penchant for molly and weed, and pine only sarcastically about loving bad bitches and liking to fuck

OR

-literally have a song entitled "I Ain't Got No Worries"

But alas, you poor, summer-born child. Like he did in early 2009 with So Far Gone (before the release of which I had failed to look past what I knew about Degrassi's "Jimmy" and realize the truth), and again in late 2011 with an ambivert's anthem in the form of Take Care, Drake has returned to remind you that life is not some big party.

If you live roughly anywhere above the 38th Parallel (as a vast, though possibly underrepresented set of rap fans do), your life is (more likely than not) more like this:

...than it is like this:

To put it another way, fans of his music appreciate the bravery in Drake's admission that the environment of The North (read: Toronto) leaves him more inclined to feel like this:

...than to feel like this:

Those of us who live in climates that are almost inhospitably cold for most of the year have to live different lifestyles than the scenes of L.A., Miami, and Hot-lanta that recent rap-canon has placed at the fore of general consciousness. It's been a nice September, August, and July (not as much June though). Like most every year, we enjoyed the short-lived luxury of bee-lining it out of work/class/internship/whatever, right to the bar that has the best tuesday, and just playing it by ear for the rest of the night. Everyone's going everywhere, and everywhere something's going on.

But now it's back to regular business. Forget weekday activities. Forget where you're going out. Now, it won't take much to talk you out of going out at all. On a given winter's night, your friends with girlfriends will invariably be with their girlfriends. You can't blame them. For at this time of year, when it comes to satisfactorily occupying your free time, one must always go with the safe bet.

Your safe bet will involve briefly doing rock-paper-scissors with your remaining friends/roommates to determine who will have to put on their layers, and run across the snow-covered street to the liquor store to get the Jack Daniels for a shoulder-shruggingly exciting night in. Summer's would-be empassioned campaigns to go to So-And-So's "party," has been reduced to an armchair concession of a mere rumor that So-And-So is "might be having people over"--at which point the decision is made unanimously that it would be too much trouble to go...even if the facts could be better confirmed.

By the time the mounted iPod has gotten to the "Lord Knows" track, the conversation has naturally turned to whether So-And-So is still with Whatsherface. And after a beat in the discussion, your friends ask you why it didn't work out with Whatsherface's friend, Ol' Girl... because "she seemed really into you, bro." Then you all lapse into your own anecdote about how ambiguously you left things with Kate, or Lizzy, or whatever unsettlingly cliche woman's name applies at the time. 

It's not a glamorous way to spend the majority of your year. Maybe it's not even an ideal way. But it's real... and Drake is there with you in the background, getting the highlight stories of your blase lifestyle to rhyme.

The man told you his junior and senior albums "will only get meaner." Get thou ready for 11th grade.

click here to check out the Drizzy interview containing some of the ideas this post echoes:

https://soundcloud.com/drakeonsmash/drk1

"You made it a hot line. I made it a hot SONG."

I made a meme. The image is, of course, not mine. As in no, I did not find a Star Wars DVD play on my laptop, freeze it at this spot, make a screenshot of it somehow. I just rifle through Google Images like er'body else. It was, however, my idea to write those words over this image I found via Google on who-remembers-what-specific-site.net. So does that make the whole thing mine altogether? To me, intellectual property is a very confusing issue--as confusing as it is touchy.

I'm totally late to the whole blogging game. I've played around with this site, tumblr, and whatever else.  I can't tell if people's blogs are a serious thing ("with this blog, I will spread awareness about the disappearing wetlands, and showcase my work as a wildlife photographer!") or they're just kinda trollin ("here's a bunch of shit my friends might think is cool.") Me? I'm more of the latter, but wouldn't mind being the former either. What snags me up is the pressure I feel to take one approach or the other.

When I was in 5th grade, I created what I called an "offline website" dedicated to Dragonball Z. I was inspired by my friend Danny who showed me his Mega Man website. All I remember it being was a random scanned image of Mega Man he found perusing Netscape (similar to the one below, found on fightersgeneration.com ),

that he spent days carefully cropping on his stepdad's Adobe photoshop. He had me over his house one day to show me the finished product (imagine this image pasted over an outer space background and a lens flare effect just behind Mega Man's head...it was awesome). His page was offline for two reasons: the first being because his parents explained some very confusing and possibly expensive process to have a website published, which in retrospect was likely just a cop-out preying on the reality of the second reason--that's that was as far as Danny's expertise went on the matter.

In any case, the awesomeness of what he had created inspired me to make my own webpage about DBZ (nowadays, such things are called "fanpages") using Netscape PageMaker (or whatever it was called). The computer it was on, of course, has long since died and been tossed. However, these were some awesome features I remember about it:

-Color scheme was red lettering on a black background (duh, I was 11.)

-Still Image and Animated GIF sections categorized by character and complete with thumbnails.

-Various pages you navigated to had were headed by various GIFs I thought were cool, the coolest of which was on the homepage and looked something like this one:

Aside from the fact that it could not actually be accessed via the Internet (then known formally as the "information superhighway"), my website was pretty fuckin' sweet. And all it was was cool things I found around the internet. I loved doing it!

As middle school and high school rolled around, I had to put my nerdy tendencies on a shelf to do things like play sports, awkwardly crave any and all interaction with the opposite sex, and overall begin cultivating the personality of a reasonably normal adult...which is sadly something you just can't do if you're rushing to make it home before 4 everyday to catch your favorite imported action cartoon. And over time I kind of forgot that I loved all this nerdy stuff.

But basically when I tried to get reacquainted with the ol' computer screen after some years, the atmosphere seemed to get real touchy about giving proper credit for pictures.

Granted a lot of this might just be in my head because I majored in the humanities in college, and I've been molded into a soldier of academic honesty. But hey but if an image isn't mine, I'm not pretending it is. Just still allow me to enjoy it being on my blog. And I am going to voluntarily spare myself the hassle of consistently citing everything properly...please and thank you.

And maybe I could've saved a lot of time just saying that "I do not claim ownership to any of this unless I say otherwise." But I guess I just wanted to reminisce with you guys, and welcome myself back to the world of internet trolling. It's been too long.